Monday, September 23, 2013

My second OOB or lucid dream

This morning, I had what I believe is my second conscious lucid dream or out-of-body experience (OOB), where I realized what I was doing and was consciously thinking of what I wanted to do.  It's probably closer to a lucid dream than a true OOB because I didn't get a sense of hyper-realism as some have described it, but this time, I felt more in control and more aware, but upon waking, I felt a bit confused by it.  What I perceived wasn't exactly what I imagined it would be.  I had one idea of what I'd see, but I didn't see it that way.  So as I was experiencing this, I felt confused as to why things were the way they were.  I guess I shouldn't be confused.  If what I saw was what I thought I should see, then it would mean I'm just dreaming.  But since it wasn't meeting my expectations, it validates that I wasn't just dreaming.  While my sense of perception was better than my first experience, it still wasn't as vivid as I had hoped.  But this may simply be a matter of practice.

As I've written before, it's very hard to write down an experience completely.  This makes it hard for the writer to portray accurately the experience to the reader.  As I've read many accounts of other people's experiences, I know how easy it is to read something and because it might be missing some information or detail, we form assumptions that can be a misunderstanding.  Preconceived ideas begin to form because of the lack of complete information and our expectations develop based on assumptions of the missing information and our own interpretations, whether it's accurate or not.  This was the case for me regarding hypnosis.  I imagined it to be something completely different, until I underwent the process.  Now I understand the principle, and can apply it to myself and others.  If you've had an experience similar to what I'm writing about, you might agree with what I'm saying.

It's hard to write in words what I experienced.  Unlike imagination, the lucid dream/OOB isn't broken up or changing all the time, nor is it disjointed, but appears "continuous".  And if you can "see", the perspective isn't as a third person, or as an outside observer, like it normally is in a dream.  You are seeing things from a first-person point of view as if you are there physically and it does feel like you're "physically" there.  During all this, I can think about the situation and what I want to do next.  The instant reaction to a thought is also a bit weird feeling.  I'm so used to being able to think about doing something before actually doing it while in the body.  But in the experience of being out-of-body, as soon as I think of something, it is already in motion.  Also, you aren't aware of any feelings of time.  This part is weird to describe.  You don't actually think about time at all.  You're only thinking about what to do next.  In a way, we do that even in life.  Most of us do not think about time at all.  Its only when we can see change around us such as the daylight, or we have meeting events we need to be at, that time comes into our thoughts.  Otherwise, time may as well not exist.  In any case, my second OOB experience is something for me to think about some more, to understand what I experienced.

My second OOB started when I noticed I was in a bed (not sure if it was my bed).  From there, I don't recall what initiated the "leaving the body" part, but I recall spinning around "in the air" until I was floating upside-down (I thought of looking "up" at my feet).  I made myself go away from what I thought was my body and told myself to see.  As I moved away, I went towards a door (which wasn't actually my current room door.  In fact, I'm thinking I wasn't even my current self or in my current home).  I walked through the door, hoping to feel the act of moving through a door, but I don't remember feeling anything.  After walking through the door, I found myself in a dark hallway going left and right.

I moved to the right as I thought of going to my youngest son.  As I moved to the right, I noticed the hallway was long and dark (later in this experience, after I was "back in" my body, I realized that the hallway was not from my current home).  In the hallway, I "felt" other presence, and I felt a little bit of fear, but I let it go and went to my youngest son.  I entered an opening to the right of where I was.  The opening had no door.  It was as if the room was just there with a big opening in the hallway.  The room was definitely not his, but he was on the edge of a bed.  We talked and I don't recall what he said, but it was a greeting from a child (this child seemed like my current youngest, but the detail is a bit hazy now), and I just sat in front of him on his bed as we talked.  Soon, I noticed a being fully covered with what looked like a white sheet, unable to see any part of the body, kind of like your typical "ghost" person, coming from where I entered the room.  My son and I both greeted this being as it floated past us through the wall.  As it was passing me, I greeted it as happily and lovingly as I felt I could, without giving in to any fears.  As it went past me, I think I saw a leg and foot under the sheet and I touched the sheet that was over the leg.  It felt like what it looked like.  I told my son I'm leaving now and turned back towards the opening in the wall I came in through.

As I entered the hallway from whence I came, I looked to my right and saw myself talking with another being down the hallway a bit.  I had thought about protecting myself against my fear or something, but that's when I saw myself and this other being talking about armor or something from a third-person point of view.  I can't remember exactly all of the details, but I'm sure I'll have to think about the interpretation of this some more later.

At this point, I was thinking "what do I want to do"?  That's when I said "I want to see my higher self.  I want to go to my higher being."  At that point, everything I "saw" turned dark as the feeling of movement came upon me.  I felt my body "rushing" through something, like I'm flying.  I told myself "clarity now!  I can see now!" and that's when I noticed there were what looked like stars all around me.  I don't think they were stars, though, because I noticed they were different colors and my vision of them focused and blurred on and off.  The colors were hard to tell, but definitely ranged from red to blue to white.  As I looked all around me while I was "flying" through this imagery, I was thinking "Hmm...this doesn't look like a tunnel or space, but it felt like I was in a tunnel or at least tubular path.  Not quite what I was expecting".  I was expecting a dark tunnel with nothing else to see.  If I were to interpret what I saw, based on what I've read of other's who experienced something similar, I'm guessing that the "stars" are actually other personality portions of my whole self, and the colors represent their state of "development".  They are "coming and going" to the whole entity or "soul", just as I was moving towards the "light" of my "soul".

After looking at the lights for a brief moment, I looked towards the direction of my movement and noticed up ahead an "opening", or more like a scenery.  It wasn't a bright blinding light, but it was a light and I saw what looked like a cloudy white garden'ish looking "scene".  I entered into the opening and I thought "Is this the white light that I was expecting?"  I felt myself warming up, but not the typical joy, love, and deep feelings that I was expecting either.  That's when I started to question myself about what I was really experiencing.  I start to look around and I remember seeing an area that looked dark, but it was at this point that my vision started to fade black.  As this was happening, I realized I was back "in my body", as I heard the noises in my room.  I'm thinking the dark area I saw last was actually my dark bedroom and my body as I returned to it.  Throughout all of this experience, I was continuously and consciously aware of myself.

Although I would have expected this experience to be more memorable, I noticed my memories of it started to fade fast.  I was hoping to go back to sleep and continue the experience, but I decided to get up and write this down before I forget.  As I think about it some more, I realize now that it is an OOB, but it's like a baby step.  Same for the first OOB, which was much shorter in duration.  This second experience definitely lasted longer, and when I realized I was back in my body, my body felt all tingly and warm and weird.  When I was in the cloud room at the end, and I felt my body warming up comfortably, that feeling transitioned to the feeling of my body, which was how I realized my experience was ending.  It's hard to describe going from feeling aware that I'm without a body to one with a body.  It was a slow and smooth transition, which was how I knew I was awake in my bed then.

Now I'm sure some people will think I'm just dreaming of my physical body warming up and projecting it into my dream.  That may be true, but it's irrelevant.  From my perspective, I warmed up out of my body first, and then my physical body warmed up.  But that's why it's irrelevant.  No one can know for sure, so it makes no difference if anyone else believes me or not.  To me, my consciousness transitioned smoothly from my "dream" state to my waking state, and until you've had the same experience, any explanation is purely speculation.  I know what a waking-dream is like (the kind you have in the morning), where I'm more aware of the fact that I'm dreaming.  But the difference between a lucid-dream/OOB experience and a waking-dream experience is the acute awareness of your self.

I'm not as "thrilled" by this experience as I thought I'd be.  Maybe I'm unconsciously used to it?  But I'm also a bit disappointed that I didn't get to communicate with my higher self.  The whole goal for asking to meet my self was so that I could ask questions.  Maybe it wasn't the right time.  Maybe I'm not quite ready yet.  I did realize I still had some fears in me, and that I'm still not fully in control of my thoughts.  My fears arose because of thoughts of evil beings and such, even though I "know" it's from my mind.  In life, I still have "negative" thoughts about things, like my health, my life situations, etc. that I shouldn't believe in or even consider.  Perhaps I need to work on resolving those thoughts first before my OOB experiences will improve.  Or better yet, maybe these OOB experiences will help in changing my fears.  I just wish these experiences were more frequent.  Having said that, I'm sure my wish will come true.

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